Friday, August 14, 2009

It's Been a Hard Days Night

I think I made it through the day but I won't know officially until I fall asleep. I had no clients today so my focus was on paper work and phone calls, emails and faxes. The slower pace and need for self initiative made the munchies and cravings sit on my shoulder all day long like an evil gremlin. Gotta tell you, I was NOT craving fresh fruits and vegetables. I was NOT craving delicious and nutritious flax seed crackers. I was craving bagels, Cheez-Its, pretzels and even the lowerst of the crackers reserved only for tummy upsets and historically partnered with bubbly drinks...saltines. What was it today that made me crave breads?

I am trying to cut my work outs to every other day in order to maintain a healthier balance in my life and body since I was getting fatigued exercising 2 hrs a day every day. Today was a non-work out day. Every time I looked in the mirror I felt fat which didn't help my cravings at all. What is with feeling fat making me want to eat MORE?! That is such a backward response and yet one that is very common beyond myself. I was a good girl and ate my orange for breakfast and a salad with delicious raw falafel balls in it for protein. I snacked on a couple of red bell pepper crackers and some olives (thank you God for olives) and finished the night off with another salad with sunflower seeds and hemp heart on it. I am satiated. That is the best I can say. I am NOT hungry and for the moment, my cravings have subsided enough to allow me to write about them. There was a point there when the pizza delivery guy was vibrationally on notice.

I broke down and told the kids how I was struggling and they admitted feeling the same way. It must have just been one of those days. By late afternoon and early evening we were all snapping at one another. I called a spade a spade and told them that we need to make a decision to pull together and support each other or pull out and go to our rooms until the cravings passed. We decided to pull together and support each other. This is when the can of olives was opened and feasted upon. The stressed muscles in our faces began to relax and smiles returned.

We did the unthinkable and decided to grocery shop on our weakest day. My thought was that if I wake up tomrrow feeling this way, I am not sure how long I can be this strong to muddle through and we were out of bananas, the store must be conquered soon. We went to our local Whole Foods and parked nearest to the produce door so as not to be tempted by the bread sitting in waiting at the other door. We filled our basket with lovely organic fruits and vegetables. We went to the bulk section to buy a few types of nuts and the jelly beans (natural and yummy) called to me. I think I even heard them tapping their little hardened shells on the plastic bin to get my attention but I stayed focused. The chip aisle holds more raw nuts at the end and since the bulk section was out of pine nuts we had to bare the torture of the chip aisle. My poor son tried to talk me into several different kinds but I stayed strong for him. We ended our grocery trip in the raw food aisle where we found scrumptious raw food cookies which I held out of the grocery bag and offered as a reward if we made it to the car without buying or eating someothing, ney anything,, we would regret later. Oh how we cherished those cookies. They really were delicious!

We came home and my daughter, fatigued from being so good all day, had a pre-adolescent melt down that made no sense, admittedly by her. Just one of those hormonal moments for a pre-teen when she needed to cry and be mad and then cry some more. I think at that point the whole family would have liked a bowl of chocolate chip cookie dough. The hardest part about RAWKIN is that there are no buffers. Gotta face those dang emotions head on, no crutches, no escapes, no cheese to numb ya, no sugar to stimulate your brain away from the issues, just life and it's ups and downs...head on. So when the storm had basically passed, I got up and moved away from the kitchen.

My daughter has since pulled herself together and we have hugged and both kids have gone off to bed. I still need to go turn off all the lights around the kitchen and lock it all up. I am feeling strong enough to go do that as long as I don't stop and get sucked in by the television. On a night like this, t.v. would call me and then the pantry would begin to whisper at me like the amityville horror house..."eat something"..."pssst, eat something..." It can get scarey in my head. Thank goodness tomorrow I will work out again and we will end our day trying a new recipe for peach pie. I will let you know how it goes. My daughter did not notice but we did not buy anymore oatmeal so there may be an oatmeal d.t. meltdown to follow in a day or so. In my defense, the oatmeal is in the cereal aisle and cereal is my absolute biggest weakness. Stay tuned as we RAWK on!

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